Progressive rock outfit, Rush, is going back on tour this summer for the first time since 2015. The first show, hosted at Inglewood’s Kia Forum on June 9, marks lead singer Geddy Lee and guitarist Alex Lifeson’s first tour without longtime drummer Neil Peart, who passed away in 2020 after a long battle with glioblastoma.
Lee and Lifeson, legends of the rock and roll genre, most recently performed at the South Park 25th Anniversary Concert in Jefferson County, Colorado, in 2022, as a surprise gift for South Park co creator Matt Stone.
The concert also featured special performances by the band Primus, who recorded the original opening theme for the TV show. Primus was originally scheduled to open for Rush on the upcoming tour, but were forced to back out in favor of a group that Rush’s management team deemed “weirder” (which was previously assumed to be impossible).
Canadian group Angine de Poitrine was pitched to the band by a cosmic entity that came to Geddy Lee in a dream after eating too much charoset on passover night 2. After waking up in a pool of his own sweat, Alex Lifeson entered the Cinemark XD theater that Lee passed out in, pitching the idea of an immeasurable number of primates headlining the tour.
The hot new commodity in the prog rock space, an infinite number of monkeys with an infinite number of typewriters, was announced this past Friday as the opener for Rush’s upcoming “Fifty Something Tour,” marking the first time that the troop of macaques has done something other than trying to re write Hamlet verbatim.
The band, who go by the name “Ween,” claim that they’ve been making music since 1990. Two male representatives of the band, who call themselves Gene Ween and Dean Ween, informed us that they are the ones who perform all of the band’s songs on stage, to ensure the identities of the infinite monkeys (and their typewriters) remain anonymous.
When asked why their band was hitherto unknown by the general public, despite making music for 36 years, Gene Ween responded “Dude we were in the Spongebob movie.”
Unamused Bacon editor, Hollie Maniscalco, later informed Ween that she had never seen it.
The band’s representatives went on to talk at length about a supposed song of theirs called “Ocean Man” and later claimed that they as well performed at the South Park 25th Anniversary Concert.
Dean Ween added that Primus would back up their claims. However, lead singer Les Claypool and the other members of the band that nobody knows the names of were unavailable for comment. It’s assumed by the baconites that they don’t know what the fuck is going on either.
Rush takes the stage for their first tour in 11 years this June. Despite the opening band being unknown to the public and Baconites respectively, their music can’t possibly be worse than whatever Rush was doing in the 90s.
