Have you ever driven somewhere, got piss-drunk, and needed an Uber but didn’t want to leave your car overnight? If you are recalling this exact situation, not only are you extremely irresponsible, but you are also in luck!

Early this morning, the CEO of Uber Technologies, Dara Khosrowshahi, announced the grand launching of “Ninja Uber.” 

Unlike a standard Uber ride, “Ninja Uber” lets you drive yourself to your destination, and then sends a paid driver to bring both you and your car home. The app tracks your location and dispatches the nearest driver. They drive you home in your own car, then order a regular Uber for themselves to get back home. 

Assuming that this new type of transportation is being marketed to college students, I decided to ask some WPU students to share their thoughts: 

Haley Carroll, reigning Trivia Night icon and WP art student, remarks that, “[Ninja Uber] will take the fun out of drinking.”

On the other hand, Jason Lee Hook, who claims to have pitched this idea in a drunk email to Khosrowshahi weeks ago, is delighted about the release of this new feature. He eagerly observes, “It’s uber but ninjas, right? That’s sick. I may never drive again. It’s fucking ninjas. Like real fucking ninjas.”

Despite this common misconception, the drivers of “Ninja Uber” will be regular people, not ninjas. An additional downside includes the cost. Since there are ultimately two Ubers involved, users will experience a surcharge of up to $60-70. 

After experimenting with Uber Ninja, I reconvened with Haley Carroll to get her final thoughts on the product. When asked if she was a fan, Carroll replied, “I’d rather take the risk and drive home drunk than have to use Uber Ninja.” She continues on to claim that, “there’s no such thing as drunk drivers, only drunk crashers.”

With this new technology, you can now get “sendy” whenever you want, while actively contributing to capitalist America. What more could a college student wish for?