Have you ever swiped right on Tinder, sent a message, and somehow, by some miracle, the conversation just flows?

It’s like falling into some alternate universe where dating apps actually work for people; that is until you’re throttled back into reality, and after spending two long weeks talking with a guy, you get ghosted and stood up.

That’s what happened to me recently. I went through my stages of grief. At first, I was incredulous. There was no possible way the guy who was urging me to “open up” just a day ago was completely ignoring me.

Then anger slapped me in the face. My cheeks felt like I stepped into the sun, and my fingers ran rapidly across my cell phone. Two phone calls, nine texts— I was mad.

After venting to anyone who would listen to me, I began to sympathize with him. Maybe he was just going through something difficult, and for some reason, he couldn’t answer? Maybe he got run over by a bus, who knows?

Then I cried because he didn’t get run over by a bus and was really just ignoring me. I couldn’t help but wonder where I messed up. What did I do to make him not like me anymore?

Was it the way I talked? Or maybe it was that I opened up too quickly. Did he get bored? Maybe he decided I just wasn’t worth his time.

These insecurities weren’t new to me. In fact, they’re very familiar, like seeing someone from high school that you wouldn’t have minded never seeing again. Although I was tempted to dwell on my inadequacy, I realized that this person, who I knew I’d never talk to again, does not define my worth. I do.

You define your worth. I’m not trying to sound like some self-help book you pick up at the start of your self-betterment journey and then never pick up again. But it’s true. No one can tell you who you are and what you’re worth. Let that empower you.

It’s been a constant fight for me to define who I am and what I have to offer as a human being, but it’s been worth it. I’ve been able to let go of things easily, forgive myself and enjoy life without quibbling over what people will think of me.

I’m by no means perfect, but I’m perfectly me, and at the end of the day, that’s all that matters.

Getting stood up sucks, but it helped me realize that I’m stronger than I think, and I’ve come a long way from the girl who would spend days wondering what she did wrong when really the guy was just an asshole.