Finally. I’ve been telling my brother every blackout that Monopoly’s rigged. If only I, too, were a man, I’d have a winning chance — you know, if the electricity didn’t come back on after the five hours it takes to finish the game.

That’s a lie — two lies, actually. I’ve never finished a game of Monopoly (which is the #1 reason I’d never bother with Ms. Monopoly).

You’d think I’d be desensitized to this sort of pseudo-feminism by now. But this isn’t another reiteration of the overplayed “strong female character” we see in movies or television shows all the time. At least she’s partially necessary. Representation is important, but considering there’s plenty of tokens to play as in Monopoly, that’s not really the issue here.

This is a new breed of exploitative B.S. that I wouldn’t be surprised to find out was invented by a man. I Googled it, and though I didn’t find out who came up with Ms. Monopoly, I found a different golden nugget of information: the original, disgustingly misogynistic Monopoly was created by Lizzie Magie, a woman.

Now I’m not saying women can’t be misogynistic, but I would pay $200 (real money) to talk to someone who genuinely believes the original Monopoly is sexist.

I wish I could brush this off as nothing more than corporate pandering and virtue signaling from a desperate Hasbro, but there are two important truths here I can’t ignore:

One, there are women who will buy it: the physical game, and with that an affirmation of their idea that this is equality. This, a world where simply flipping the patriarchy on its head is the proper way of achieving women’s rights.

Two, it feeds the anti-feminist movement: men, and even a lot of women, already believe that feminism is what I described above; instead of women being oppressed with men as the oppressors, it’s women oppressing men.

I can’t say that Hasbro is solving a problem that never existed, because it’s making it worse.

There are those who agree that the intent of the game is what Hasbro has said is to, in part — along with “empowering women” —  “call attention” to the wage gap, as if board games are a primary source of education, let alone the fact that it would be pretty impressive for any woman today to have not heard of the wage gap. Find me a woman who first heard of it via Ms. Monopoly, and you can collect another $200 — I’m sorry, this is a woman, $240 — from me.

I almost like the idea of investing (Ms.) Monopoly money in female inventions on the board — women aren’t traditionally thought of as engineers or inventors, so these are nice facts to learn — but in the end, all you’re really doing is investing real money into Hasbro. And where is that money going? No word from the company indicates that it’s helping women.

It’s ironic, really. Without the existence of income inequality between men and women in the first place, there’d be no Ms. Monopoly. Hasbro’s profiting off of that inequality.

Now excuse me while I destroy men and women alike in Super Smash Bros. — admittedly using Zelda or Sheik.